Updated: Nov 11, 2019
I know I don’t speak just for myself when I say toxic relationships have the power to ruin lives. The worst part is you try so hard to make it work that you drain yourself until you don’t even feel like you can fight for yourself anymore.
Thankfully, I came to a point in my life where I had to make a change. I may have cared about those toxic people, but not only did they never truly care about me, but I’m not sure they even knew how to love themselves.
I know I talk a lot about self-care, but one of the best things you can do for yourself is to walk away from toxic relationships. I know it’s hard, but you’ll feel like a new person when you do.
Recognizing A Toxic Relationship
Okay, so you’re probably wondering right now if you’re in a toxic relationship or not. First, look at all your relationships, not just romantic ones. Odds are, you already know the answer just based on how the person makes you feel. Some red flags for me include:
· Always taking, but never giving
· Putting you down for no reason
· It’s always about them
· You can never rely on them
· They make you doubt your own worth
If you have to, print out those lists and check them off if you suspect you’re in a toxic relationship. Also, listen to those who love you. If your friend has never said anything negative about your relationships before and now they’re warning you something’s off, listen.
Dealing With Toxic Friends
When I dealt with my miscarriage, I needed all the support I could get. Some people I thought of as friends and who I’d been there for in the past just weren’t there for me. Some said and did highly insensitive things (usually unintentionally, but in a healthy relationship, they wouldn’t have done those things), while others never said a thing or reached out.
Yes, it devastated me and as a result, I had to disconnect from them. I let myself feel hurt, but then I had to move on to deal with my own personal trauma. I did manage to reconnect with a few of them, but honestly, it’s not really the same and it never will be.
A toxic friendship does nothing but drain you. Even at my worst moment, those toxic friendships just added to my pain, not something I should have had to deal with at all. The pain of walking away will fade. Staying just means a constant pain that doesn’t end until the friendship does.
Toxic Romance Never Works
I thank God that my husband is an absolute angel that would never hurt me. Does he have his flaws? Sure (he leaves his socks on the floor sometimes...so what), but he’s perfect for me and I’m perfect for him. Yet, I’ve witnessed toxic romantic relationships and so have many people I know, both male and female.
Any relationship that makes you doubt your self-worth, isn’t worth your time. Any form of physical, mental or emotional abuse means you should walk away immediately!
Personally, this is why I think everyone should take time to build their confidence and learn to love themselves, flaws and all, before getting into a romantic relationship. You’ll better recognize a toxic relationship and be able to support each other in the right relationship.
Family Isn’t Mandatory
I know that leaving a toxic relationship is hard, but when it’s family, it’s even harder. Still, don’t make excuses. You don’t deserve that kind of abuse. No matter how hard it is, you deserve to be happy and be healthy mentally and emotionally. Let go of any relatives that are just too toxic to be around.
Toxicity In The Workplace
Yes, toxic relationships happen at work too. From a manager who constantly berates you to a co-worker who always takes all the credit, you don’t have to just deal with it. If you do, you’ll start to believe them and feel worthless. Let me tell you right now, you’re not worthless.
Take your issues to HR or your supervisor. If nothing can be done, it’s okay to find another job in a healthier environment where you can grow and thrive.
No matter what toxic people have made you believe, you never deserve to be in a toxic relationship. You’re better than that and deserve much more. So, walk away from toxic relationships and see how much better you are without them.
Never forget to protect your peace.
Signed – The Unbothered Goddess, a woman who’s been where you are
Image: Jan Tinneberg